|
|
 |
| |
Bumbling,
bums and right stinkers
 WHEN
I was a kid Chelsea were a joke. They had players with silly
names like John Bumstead and a lame stand called The Shed. Fuzzy-faced
Ken Bates, their chairman, suggested ideas like electrifying
stadium fences to control fans.
But for all their bumbling ways, Chelsea knew how to lose. When
relegated in 1988 there weren’t many tantrums. The players
kept cool, beat the likes of Grimsby and were soon promoted.
 These
days Chelsea have enough money to buy everyone (bar Theo Walcott)
and Jose Mourinho splashes cash as if he is Richard Pryor in
Brewster’s Millions – if he can shed £30 million,
he quickly gets another £300 million. Magic. Yet, for
all that money, Chelsea have lost the ability to lose graciously.
Outsmarted by Fulham on Sunday, their players acted like spoilt
brats, screwing up their faces like five-year-olds do when they
lose a tough round of Buckaroo or a close game of Guess Who.
Is he wearing a coat from Matalan? Yes. Is it Jose? Yes.
Across town, Arsenal have reacted in the right way to defeat
this season. No tears, not even any pizza flinging, just a commitment
to good, passing football. Maybe that’s why they are England’s
only team in the Champions League.
 SQUEAKY
bums took on Ronaldo-sized proportions this week. Gormless Gooners
were squirming in their seats for two hours on Saturday –
until Spurs flushed their team back down the table.
It brought few of us pleasure, but Chelski’s winning run
went down the pan after a stinker of a match. And Liverpool
were down in the dumps after it emerged some “fans”
chucked human doo-doo at Man Utd supporters t’other week.
 As
pre-match entertainment goes, ramming your poo into a jiffy
bag before a game sounds about as pleasant as wandering around
Newcastle in a Boumsong shirt. Getting it out again sounds about
as enjoyable as watching Boumsong in a Newcastle shirt.
After Tuesday, Liverpool fans should shower us Spurs supporters
in sugary treats the next time we visit Anfield. Yep, our boys
softened the bungling Brummies up for Arsenal’s 12th man
Stevie Gerrard and Co as they hone in on another competition
they’ve no business winning.
Talking of which, the pundits reckon Prof Wenger and Co might
do a Liverpool in Europe this year. Because Arsenal beat Charlton.
At Highbury.
Now that’s one claim I’ll happily give the bum’s
rush to.
|
|
|
|
