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Suncream for one, the other – full of beans
AMERICAN-OWNED Liverpool Razors got overexcited again this week, once again forgetting it’s 16 years and waiting since they last won a league title. I reckon they will get to 20 years without doing it, don’t you?
 You can fluke a European Cup every now and then – hey, Matty Flamini almost got a winners’ medal last year – but they can’t bag the important one and that winds them up. Big time.
The Red Sox were smashed 3-0, 3-1 and 6-3 when it mattered, cup games and when the Arsenal and Liverpool fixture meant something.
Now, with half the Arsenal team injured for the season and the match meaning hardly anything, they finally win. Finally. 4-1. So what? I’ve never cared less about losing to Liverpool.
Fact is, any Liverpool fan that danced in the streets to that result is a chump. You’ve been battered all over by Arsenal this season. You are an embarrassment. I don’t hate Liverpool, you have to respect them for having more class than Moan United and more history than Chelsea.
But their fans do get overexcited. They wear too many badges. Hold their scarves up like loons. Cry on TV when they lose. Until they win the league again, nobody will take them seriously.
Forget five European Cups. The only figures that matter are: 3-0. 3-1. 6-3.
SO Arsenal have hired a criminologist to prove that Manny Adebayor really wasn’t up to no good in that playground spat at the Millennium the other month.
Maybe when Inspector Clouseau has put that very worthwhile investigation to bed, he could put his mind to the real Arsenal mysteries that preoccupy  Gooners.
Like, how did we allow ourselves to be kicked out of Europe by a team that could make Andorra’s brickies look world class? How about, we’re gasping for half a shandy and a packet of pork scratchings – are there any pubs in north London not showing European football on the big screen this week? And last but by no means least, can lying in bed watching our “We’ll Always Have The Bernabeu” DVD on a permanent loop for the rest of the season make us go blind?
Only joking. We all know the real questions miserablist Gooners are desperate to know the answer to.
How come you can watch Spurs edge a 1-0 win and come away feeling like you’ve just watched a 10-goal thriller? How did we get battered by a bloke who has just had a nose job and is so tall he can’t reach to tie his own shoelaces?And why are Spurs fans slapping on the suncream to watch their team in Europe while we’re trundling around the supermarket looking for the baked beans aisle? Ole!
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