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All’s quiet on the Emirates’ front
IT comes to something when I’d rather watch Life On Mars than the big match but I couldn’t bear to watch Moan United rub my nose in it. You can’t argue with 7-1.
Life On Mars is the fantastical story of a man who ultimately would rather live in the past than the present – like a Spurs fan. 
 In the final scenes, he timewarps back to the 1970s to be with his friends. Spurs did the same thing last week, revisiting the football vandals of bygone decades to chuck some chairs around in Seville. Come on chaps, the Wafer Cup really isn’t work getting in such a state about.
But in truth it’s Arsenal that need some time travel to ease the embarrassment of West Ham and the downright dullness of Newcastle.
Where should we go back to? The Carling Cup semi-final? The repeated thrashings of Liverpool this season?
Further still to the Bernabeu? The unbeaten season? Winning the league at White Hart Lane? Old Trafford?
None of those. What Arsenal need now is a fast forward button to a time when Thierry Henry is fit, Denilson, Diaby and Walcott have come of age and Gallas and Toure have learned to play together. Let’s hope that isn’t the stuff of a far-fetched time travel drama.
 IT’S time something was done about the noise emanating from Arsenal’s swanky new stadium on match days.
Take that big London derby grudge match that attracted thousands upon thousands of expectant fans on Saturday. It may well have kicked off at 3pm,  but by 4.30pm, Gran had stomped on her hearing aid in Holloway Road after she mistook the sound of bird song for battery failure.
You couldn’t cross Hornsey Road without stepping on women looking for lost earrings because they’d heard a pin drop.
Now we know that when your season is over, you’ve got nothing to play for but the chance of an Intertoto invite and when your hopeless kidults are being battered by the worst team in London it can be hard to utter anything but the weakest of expletives.
But there were 60,000 of you packed in there on Saturday and we could only tell there was a football match going on because there was horse poo in the streets.
In fact, I’ve heard kids make more noise at a birthday party when the clown has run out of balloons.
Which, we’re told, Arsene Wenger has.
Surely there’s still some hot air left in you gormless lot?
 RICHARD, are you sure ?????
Talk about a bad loser! Jesus mate, you sound like you’re the manager! Maybe you have nothing else to write about, seeing as you are out of the lot this season!
“Scarves up like loons”? No mate, it’s called creating an atmosphere for your football club (not like your old library!). Forget five European cups for 3-0, 3-1, 6-3. Ha, ha, ha! Now I know you must have had a bad day in the office to write that article!! From a Liverpool supporter who doesn’t walk out with 10 or 12 minutes to go!!!!!!
Re: PSV... now that’s how you beat them!
COLIN CUSHION
via email
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