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Tin-pot failures in the firing line
I DON’T know what Sir Alan Sugar has to do with Spurs these days but it’s time for Martin Jol to be asked into the boardroom to explain how Tottenham couldn’t even win the Wafer Cup – the tin-pot trophy they were so embarrassingly desperate to win. 
“You needed to win 1-0,” I can hear Sir Al saying now. “And you drew 2-2. You went out  and you lost me money. Who’s to blame? You are the project manager. Where was the end result?”
MJ: “We needed to win but Malbranque scored an own goal in the first minute. I think he should be fired, not me.”
Sir A: “Who signed him?”
MJ: “Ok. That would be me but we only had 14 midfielders, I thought we needed another one. Sir Alan, it was hard because Kanoute scored so soon after.”
Sir A: “This Fredi guy. He used to play for us?”
MJ: “Well, I thought he only scored tap-ins so I sold him and told everyone he was rubbish.”
Sir A: “Martin. You were in the Wafer Cup. A cup full of rejects.
“You couldn’t even win that. You have a head like a pumpkin (yes, that old joke is back). You’re a nice guy and I don’t want Terry Venables back – but you’re fired.”
 AAH well, at least we’ll always have the Estadio Municipal de Braga, much better than the Bernabeu.
To be honest, we may have treated the world to yet another thrill-a-minute goalfest, but I’m not sure our boys are suited to playing in Europe anyway. All those 12-man teams wearing women’s disco blouses and rolling around  in agony like they’re auditioning for a bit-part in Escape to Victory Part II – sounds like a waste of time to me.
A bit like Arsenal going gung ho to finish... third. Wahey. You sent Ivana Campo packing. You made sure Joey Barton kept his peachy cream buttocks firmly in his pants. You might just end the season above the Liverpool Yankees.
In fact, at this rate you could still win the title. Whoa cowgirl. Maybe not. Still, finishing higher than the team that really, really struggled to see off the mighty giants of PSV in the Chumpions League is bound to bring you some satisfaction.
Or not. No, the only thing that could bring you fickle Gooners that would be to beat an exhausted Spurs side whose season lasted 37 days longer than yours.
Finally, you’re about to get your cup final. Maybe now you’ll make some noise.
 SO Arsene Wenger thinks after the win over Bolton all is well in the garden.
Not so. Our leading goalscorers have not played for three months and goals are like looking for an oasis in the desert.
They are not coming from Baptista, Adebayor, Rosicky, Aliadiere or Hleb.
The game against Newcastle was the worst I have seen in years. We have dropped points against Man City, Fulham and West Ham – all teams who are fighting relegation.
From the time we lost to Man City playing pass-the-parcel on their 18-yard line the signs were on the wall. This style does not suit Henry or Van Persie. Teams only need to put eight men behind the ball and wait for the pretty passing Arsenal to arrive.
Sorry Mr Wenger, you have done many good things but tactically Mourinho leaves you in the cold. You are obdurate, a bad trait.
G GILBERT
Grove End Road, NW8
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