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Osley’s Triggered a letter, Etoe’s just bored
AFTER working with comedy legends like David Jason and Dawn French, I can fully understand why funny actor man Roger Lloyd-Pack (Trigger) wants to further his comedy connections by working with someone as funny as me. 
He wrote in this week to tell us all that nobody reads this column because they are bored  of it – hmmmm, which is why he read it and was so tickled he could not resist responding.
I’d watch it Etoe, I think he is angling to take over your column next season.
I can see it now: Roger going on about how great the Wafer Cup is, me revelling in the coming of age of Arsenal’s talented crop of youngsters (probably enjoying a Premiership title this time next year).But me and Roge, and surely anybody else who cares even a little a bit about football, must all agree that Chelsea’s demise has been one of the most satisfying parts of the season. They blew £860 million on players and ended up pretending they were happy with just winning the FA Cup. Tee hee. Much better that old thing than winning the Premiership or the Champions League. After all, the FA Cup is full of history. Shame then that Chelsea have got none of that. See you back here in August.
IWHAT are these clowns doing back I hear you say. They’ve nothing to crow about. Their season is over. They should be putting their feet up at Richard Osley’s luxury static caravan in Lyme Regis and giggling the summer away watching Etoe’s Vicar of Dibley DVD box set. All in good time dear reader.
Popular demand (or a load of letters written by Chelski fans’ mums) has forced us to turn out once more to swallow our pride and congratulate the teams that  really made something of the season. Like champs Man United, who I’d like to say won the title thanks to ‘irrelevant’ Spurs battering Chelski at White Hart Lane and tiring them out for the rest of the season. But I wouldn’t be so ungracious.
And of course, FA Cup winners Chelski, who made new Wembley’s first big final one to remember. I for one will never forget the joy I felt at finding the 5p I thought I’d lost forever down the back of the settee in the 30th minute or the relief at hearing Gran cry out for a toilet trip during extra-time.
So there you go. Well done to the Yankees and the Ruskies. You came, you bored, you conquered. Thank goodness we had Spurs to do the entertaining. Here’s to next year when we do some winning too.
THE reason Spurs supporters don’t write in to complain about Richard Osley’s Arsenal column (CNJ May 17) is probably because they’ve got bored with reading it by now, full as it always is of bile and vitriol and obsessions with the Wafer Cup.
He never appears to glory in his own team but merely denigrates the opposition.
At least Catherine Etoe’s column has got a bit of humour about it. It is strange and surprising after all these years of Arsenal ascendancy he should still feel such a sense of inferiority about Tottenham.
Perhaps it is due to an implicit recognition on his part that in the long history of the game Arsenal’s legacy will never be as great as the glorious Spurs!
ROGER LLOYD PACK
NW5
TO Mr Osley. Chelsea no history? Let me put the record straight.
Only 23 clubs since 1888-89 have won the championship, Chelsea have won it three times. Only 14 clubs have won the FA Cup more times than Chelsea, who have won it three times. Only Liverpool (seven wins) and Aston Villa (five wins) have won the League Cup more than Chelsea, who have won it four times.
Plus Chelsea have won two European Cup Winners Cups and the European Super Cup. They are making their history now.
For a so called journalist you do not get your facts right. Chelsea have spent £400m, nowhere near the £750m you quote.
You come across as jealous that Chelsea have spent a considerable sum on players, tell me though why do clubs buy new players? Is it to lose more games? Or to improve your chances of winning something?
For your info I was born in Arsenal in 1964, my whole family are Arsenal. I have been Chelsea since I was four and used to follow them everywhere in the late 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. Now I only go to a few games a season because of the expense. So please do not accuse me of jumping on bandwagons.
Congrats on another Trophy-less Arsenal season. . . Hail Wenger!
DUKE ORTON
via email
NO doubt the Blues’ spending has now surpassed a billion. According to your last two columns. Who cares? Only the jealous.
Having memories of putting money in a bucket to help pay players wages in the late 70’s, I feel no guilt in saying Carry On Roman!
It’s been fun and even my Gooner mates laughed at My Shout printed last week, thanks for taking the bait.
Have a few months of title dreaming, before the reality kicks back in, in August, and you can then reside yourself to moaning without achieving once again.
I suggest you stop knocking the Wafer Cup, it looks as though only the top three qualify in 2008-09 for the Champions League and that will not include the Arsenal.
PETER MILES
via email
SO Chelsea have ‘no history and no pride’!? Why don’t you learn your own history and go back to South London where you come from?
And as you hate money so much, take your £400,000,000 stadium with you. I suppose Reyes cost Arsenal a fiver.
You should stick to bickering with your Spurs mate at the paper. I’ve enjoyed you two embarrassing your teams.
Just remember Didier Drogba rising to head the winner in Cardiff.
JOHN MORRIS
via email.
I AM writing in regards to Richard Osley’s comments on the back page (CNJ May 10).
I have been a football supporter since 1946. For almost 50 years Arsenal played the long ball game and were boring, although successful. Since Arsene Wenger came and changed the style, everyone accepted that Arsenal were not the most attractive team to watch.
I think that Mr Osley should not condemn Chelsea, who I admit are not the most exciting team to watch.
I am not a Chelsea supporter.
DAVID UFLAND
Willow Road, NW3
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Your Comments:
Richard Osley is the Zero that Steve Clarke (European Cup Winners Cup Winner) was referring to. Mr Osley is obviously incapable of rational thought, let alone writing. He probably thinks that "Objectivity" is new bar that he's not been to yet.
Chris Stephens |
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