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Grans and cats would've scored
 GALLAS for Cole. It’s now officially the best swap deal since we gave Rohan Ricketts to Spurs and nicked their captain Sol Campbell.
The best trade since I swapped two Steve Ogrizovics and a Remi Moses to get the Arsenal foil for my 1986 sticker album.
Truth is, Arsenal are a better team without greedy chops. Gallas has added strength, style and skill and fits perfectly into Wenger’s imitation of the Brazil 1970 team. No other team is as entertaining. And those long-ball bozos at Chelsea had to give us £5 million as well!! I believe that is called skanking. Wenger is the Daddy of All Skankers. And Mourinho is The Skanked.
It’s like when AC Milan thought they were buying John Barnes but ended up with Luther Blissett from Watford. Like when Kleberson signed for Moan United. Kleberwho? And like when Spurs thought they were buying a goal-scoring midfielder when they bought Jermaine Jenas. My Gran could have scored that doesn’t even begin to cover it.
 I ENJOYED Theo’s little Euro cameo on Tuesday night.
Must have taken him hours to perfect that two footed step-over cum pass.
Shame it went straight to those two rubbish Porto players, but never mind Theo, they didn’t know what to do with the ball either.
Heaven knows where he learnt that neat trick, but my suspicions lie with Spurs superstar Jermaine Genius. Just a shame for you Gooners that this country’s great hope for the 2026 World Cup isn’t likely to have to sit next to man-child JJ on the England bench ever again. Not after Saturday. Sorry Jermaine but my cat could have stroked that pass into the net at Anfield. And she’s had worms all week.
Much more of that and I’ll get Rusty’s Needles to colour in the ‘Jermaine’s a Genius’ tattoo I had etched into my spine after you scored in Prague.
I’m told it can be transformed into a donkey. Apparently, no one will spot the difference.
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