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Tails about goalies still abound
 PAUL Robinson, the England team’s worst ever blunder keeper, not the bad guy from Neighbours, did what they all do this week when things go wrong. He berated reporters for describing his air-kick error last week as a ‘mistake’.
In a carousel world of his own, Robinson claimed he didn’t get it wrong when he failed to control Gary Neville’s simple back pass and the ball ended up in England’s net. Just bad luck. As a fair and balanced newspaper of integrity, we have listened to Mr Robinson’s concerns and will not be calling it a mistake in future. Instead, here are 30 more accurate descriptions of Robbo’s performance.
 Bungle. Goof-up. Blooper. Shocking error. Typical Tottenham. Blunder. Oversight. Pub league botch-up. Clown impression. Fluff-up. Balls-up. Foul-up. Mess-up. Screw-up. Slapstick muff-up. Calamity. Act of pure chumpery. Inept goalkeeper. Failure. Gaffe. Football buffoonery. Howler (Hooo–ler, for Scottish readers). Clanger. Taxi call. One for a Danny Baker video. Humiliating misjudgment. Lapse in basic concentration. Bad job. Boo-Boo. Miscue.
Happy now?
 DID you watch Arsenal’s Champions League failures in Moscow?
Who’d have thought we’d see footballers protect their pretty faces rather than their nuptials in the defensive wall?
Vanity? Not with boat races like theirs. No, just shielding their eyes from a car crash performance.
 As did those Gooners who’d bunked off work early to take Granny to the incontinence clinic. Also known as going to the pub to watch through trembling fingers as Arsenal lose in Europe. Again.
“We can do it this year,” predicted Arsene Winger after tough wins against the likes of Watford and Sheffield Utd. Ooh, bet those Russians were bricking themselves. Especially Dudu.
Talking of which, you’ll be glad to know Richard Osley didn’t self-combust after last week’s incandescent rant against Paul Robinson.
So Robbo let in a goal while daydreaming about his post-match pie. At least he didn’t let in the rubbish free kick that knocked us out of the 2002 World Cup – that would be worth getting your ponytail in a twist about.
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