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If you can’t bear that grin, retreat to duvet
 AH. Turned out nice again. I trust that every Arsenal fan with their hands over their ears to block out the Tottenham crowing last week was out this week shoving every Spurs fan they know their smuggest smile possible.
Maximise that smugness. If you don’t know how to do this, you can try and imitate the picture that accompanies this column. The smile shouldn’t be toothy or over the top. Just curl up  the sides of your mouth, narrow your eyes a little bit and tilt your head back. Voila. Smug supreme. If you really want to go the whole hog, try a high-pitched “ha ha” whenever a Spurs fan walks into the office. Childish. But it works a treat.
The reason to be cheerful, of course, is Arsenal’s demolition of Liverpool and Tottenham’s white flag at Reading. Arsenal told Liverpool to jog on and it was sooooo inevitable that Spurs would follow a good week with defeat. Put the toilet shirts back in the cupboard, you mugs.
 EMBARRASSED? Well they always say a hiding is on the cards when you face a side who’ve been playing like a pub team that’s eaten one too many packets of pork scratchings.
 And so it proved on Sunday when the club with the worst away kit in the land let a bunch of no-hopers put three goals past them.
With away performances like that it’s no wonder Stevie Gerrard keeps moaning he’s sick of getting on the bus “upset” (try doing it having paid to get there, get in and get home again Steve you poor millionaire).
But enough of those day-glo Liverpool disco dollies and that netball match at Ashburton General Library… what about my Lilychocs at Reading?
Ashamed? I daren’t come out from under my cock’n’ball embossed chocolate and gold duvet.
Come on Spurs, where was the water fight, the wrestling, the media blackout?
Don’t you know it’s not the done thing to lose to a no-name team – and take it like men?
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