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Camden New Journal - FORUM: Opinion in the CNJ
Published: 30 November 2006
 
Don’t kid yourself it’s just not happening

Today marks the start of Operation Athena, an initiative to publicise the effects of domestic violence

IT shouldn’t happen to anyone, but it happens to millions of people each year. In some cases it may lead to murder.
The longer you leave it the worse it will get.
Your partner may confess their undying love for you, they may tell you that they need you in their life, they might even do all the things you want them to do, but what they won’t tell you is that it will never stop happening, but rest assured that they will apologise afterwards.
It’s all down to control and power and for as long as it happens your violent and aggressive partner is in control and has all of the power.
I am not trying to patronise you, really I’m not, I am merely trying to help you see what is right in front of you.
I wish I could have seen the signs, I was also a victim of domestic abuse.
I was in a relationship for a total of five months and in that short space of time I was physically abused on four different occasions. The first couple of times it happened I was in denial.
I mean, I grew up telling myself no man was ever going to touch me in that way and here I am at 20 being assaulted by my own boyfriend.
It wasn’t until I could see the evidence staring me in the mirror before I could believe I was being abused.
With each incident the attacks and the effects became worse; the first time it was pushing me around, the next time the pushes were followed by head-butts and punches.
After that it was biting and threats with weapons, and the fourth and final time it was a glass in my head. My life was emotionally, physically and mentally affected. I didn’t leave my house, I became paranoid, unsociable, depressed, I stopped seeing my friends and I hardly saw my family. I went through so many mental states I’m surprised I didn’t have a nervous breakdown.
I was introduced to an organisation called Victim Support, there are plenty of independent organisations and help-lines you can talk to, but I was contacted by Victim Support through the police as a result of my last incident.
I was given my own support worker straight away, and with her help, along with my family and friends, I am well on my way to a happier life.
I still find it hard to deal with what I went through and what is still happening to thousands of people every day, I am just grateful that I am still alive to tell my story.
It is easier to deny it and block it out than it is to tell someone and do something about it, but like I said, the longer you leave it the worse it gets.
If you are in a relationship and your partner is physically abusing you whether you’re a man or a woman, fat or skinny, big or small, young or old, whatever the case may be it is still a crime. If you are suffering domestic abuse or know anyone who is, you need to take action and do something drastic. It will be hard and it will take a lot of courage but it will be far better than death.

• Starting today (Thursday) and tomorrow, the Victim Support unit, in Hampstead Road, Euston, provide help and advice to people who have suffered from the trauma of domestic abuse. For more information, contact the unit on 02073889550.
This article was written by a woman who suffered domestic abuse and wishes to remain anonymous.
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