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Step forward, the £70m farce that is Tottenham Hotspur
THE Setanta commentator said it all as the final whistle went: “And Tottenham, who spent £70 million over the summer, find themselves without a win and rock bottom after four games.”
For Ramos, and anybody else not familiar with the step by step formula which governs how a Spurs
season always begins, here’s a quick reminder:
Step 1: Spend millions of pounds on anybody who looked remotely good for half a game in the European Championships/World Cup.
Step 2: Make sure the club is linked with the major signings of the summer even though they have not been near White Hart Lane.
Step 3: Lose best player to Manchester United,
a la Carrick, Berbatov, etcetera.
Step 4: Look like world-beaters in pre-season friendlies.
Step 5: Lose the first match of the season to a
mid-ranking northern team, possibly Sunderland or Middlesbrough.
Step 6: Reassure the fans that everything is under control, while scouting Europe for a new manager.
Step 7: Get beat again.
Step 8: Insist to everyone you are a big club.
Step 9: Get beat again.
Steps 10, 11, 12 and so on: Gradually climb out of the bottom three to qualify for the Wafer Cup.
If I was Juande, I’d be looking over my shoulder. Managers have been sacked at Spurs for worse starts than this – and even winning the Milk Cup won’t be enough this season.
WE’VE been here before. Toothless, uncommitted team displays, a static and anonymous midfield and an inexplicably unbalanced squad selection.
But wait, there’s more: our masterclass in ineptitude against Villa wouldn’t have been
complete without donkeyish defending and keeper errors. Cue another home defeat, followed by more lazy platitudes from the club. And 23,500 season ticket- holders wondering whether eBay is a viable option.
A typical Spurs season is like thinking you’re getting a flight to Barbados before realising that, actually, you’re on a rickety old train headed for Skegness.
Hope and excitement turn to disappointment, monotony and the feeling that you just want it to end as soon as possible. And when it does, you’re not going to like where you end up.
Spurs seem to be running scared. Even “tactical genius” Ramos seems to have lost the ability to make sensible, rational, decisions – like playing players in position, that sort of thing.
Or perhaps he’s just so good that he’s trying to challenge himself a bit, in which case he’s doing a sterling job.
On the bright side, however, we have some exceptionally talented individuals on our books (no, not you Dawson) and, in principle, a manager capable of making them play as a unit.
And 34 more games to do so. Here’s hoping.
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