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HARRY Redknapp’s missus, to use Harry’s own words, would have scored that chance Darren Bent missed against Portsmouth on Sunday.
Don’t laugh. It’s a very talented family: Harry can expertly wheel and deal in the transfer market, Jamie has a celebrated skill of stating the bleeding obvious on Sky, Jamie’s wife did a much-needed cover of Stuck In The Middle With You and cousin Frank is the undisputed king of deflected goals.
So what would be so surprising if Sandra turned out to be good in the air and clinical in the six yard box?
In fact I can hear how Sunday’s commentary should have gone now: “Here’s Modric, passes it sideways to Zokora who loses the ball. Modric wins it back and passes it sideways and then asks for the ball back so he can pass it sideways some more... Now it’s with Bentley, hair grease sliding down his forehead, stepover, stepover some more, and not an opponent in sight... The ball is transferred to Defoe, shooting from right to left, or is that left to right, he looks like he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going today... Modric reclaims it, passes it sideways... Bentley swings in a hit and hope, Bent misses it completely and Spurs have missed the chance to get out of the dropzone... but wait, there she is, from nowhere... Redknapp, Sandra Redknapp. Bullet header. David James didn’t stand a chance. She rose like a salmon, or an animation on a Wii game, and planted the ball into the roof of the net.”
She might not be a Kaka, or even a Craig Bellamy, but maybe Harry should sign her up.
SO Arsenal have somehow notched up a run of eight games without defeat.
If they can maintain that kind of consistency they may have a chance of a UEFA Cup spot come the end of the season.
The emphasis has shifted now for the Gooner and the question: “How are Villa doing?” can be heard even more frequently than complaints about Nicklas Bendtner, or in more disgruntled circles, the mad professor Wenger, who is refusing to buy a defensive midfielder.
Spurs, of course, are in a relegation battle with so many clubs that to attempt to single out one rival would be ludicrous. Instead we choose to dream about the lofty heights we could reach if we won a game and watch with amazement as a home draw takes us up five places.
The relegation battle this year is a pantomime. You have the old, faded, soapstar that is Newcastle United, falling apart at the seams and generally ignored.
The Villain played with a superb comic twist by Manchester City and then Spurs in a Dean Gaffney-esque role, looking baffled, but you can see why we’re there.
On Wednesday we welcomed Wilson Palacios to the Lane to add a backbone to our performance. Now every time we see poor, discarded Jermaine Jenas we have to shout: “He’s behind you!” |
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