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Agony aunt and ‘life coach’ Keren Smedley is set to lead a series of seminars for people in their 50s |
Why ‘sandwiched’ 50-somethings need my support
Counsellor to hold seminars for adults stuck between children and parents
HOW do you cope when you need to tell your parent she needs to live in a care home? Or if your sex life has stagnated to the point you do not even recognise the person sleeping in your bed? Perhaps you are considering splitting with your partner now that your children have left home for college.
These are just some of the conundrums facing 50-year-olds, according to agony aunt and “life coach” Keren Smedley.
The qualified counsellor and author from Highgate has organised a series of workshops in central London aiming to help anyone in their 50s.
She says: “When you are young there is a lot out there for you – to help you find work or find your way through your relationships. But when you get to 50 things change.
“You can find out about shopping lists, making a cheaper will or booking a Saga holiday. But there’s very little to help you with how you feel.”
As an agony aunt on Women’s Weekly, Keren is bursting with advice in the “field of people”, ranging from handy tips on how to “feel sexy” to more practical advice on writing CVs and finding voluntary work.
“I know from my work that there are a lot of difficult decisions to be made when reach your 50s,” she says. “And there are ways of helping make life easier for those people.”
Many of the psychological difficulties facing the 50-plus, according to Keren, come through being “sandwiched” between your grown-up children and your ageing parents.
“I know that there are a lot of squabbling siblings in this age group with parents who need to be cared for,” says Keren. “A lot of these brothers and sisters are speaking to each other for the first time in years. Now they are coming together to make big decisions and they don’t know what to do.
“People in their 50s are often considering divorce. They may be thinking that now their children are off to university it is ok.
“Ideally, we would all live happily ever after. All I would say is that if parents are going to separate, then they should talk to the children about it. I don’t mean sitting down and slagging off your husband. But the children should be involved. Children feel guilty in these situations and the first instinct is to try and protect them.
“This sort of thing can also have an effect on the grandparents, who may no longer see their grandchildren very often anymore.”
Another big issue for the over-50s, Keren says, is love and sex: “There are a lot of us who are thinking: is this it? It’s not what it was like when I was in my 30s – and now I may live until I am 90 or 100. Others are bereaved or divorced and need help finding new relationships.
“It’s about feeling that you are still sexy even at 55. Not feeling that you’ve had it, and helping boost confidence.”
A Tantric sex specialist will be speak at Keren’s seminars and a make-up specialist and image consultant will be offer beauty tips. There will also be health and well-being sessions on acupuncture, pilates and “cranial therapy”, and advice on writing CVs and finding work as a volunteer.
Keren says: “Many women feel like they can go out there and earn a living – that has changed. They feel like they can do it.”
Keren has worked as a counsellor and in therapy for 30 years. A former biology teacher at Camden School for Girls, she has written books on subjects including age discrimination and 50-plus sex.
She says: “These workshops are not lectures, they are like seminars with experts. Everyone taking part is between 50-60. They are a lot of fun and I know from experience that when people meet others with the same problems as them they make last friendships.”
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