Camden Sports: Football | The Crow | Richard Osley | Arsenal | Pip Wroe

Publications by New Journal Enterprises

Home

Archive

Competition

Camden New Journal - CROW by RICHARD OSLEY and PIP WROE
Published: 22 October 2009

Sick, buff, ruff: it’s an afternoon with the groovy Gunners!

I WAS accused by cool and groovy Róisín – she’s the one who does the music page for the paper, the music know-all with “fill me in with something groovy” next to her picture byline – of being a bit of an old fogey this week for not really knowing who pop group N-Dubz are. Apparently they’re always number one in the hit parade.
Hurt by such criticism and bruised by the realisation that it’s unclear what will happen first – Arsenal’s next championship or my 40th birthday – I went out and bought myself a Batman hat and a matching bright yellow hoody, watched a few films like Kidulthood and spent all day on the top deck of the 253 listening to how the young folks speak.
I now feel ready to write this column in a way to make Róisín proud.
Is it? Yes blud. Oh my days. Is it? ’Cos Arsenal were like buff against Birmingham. You get me? They were like scoring some ruff goals, they were buzzing. I was like noooo – they can’t be that blench. Did you see the badman van Persie? Pretty standard that Arsenal would rinse them but Birmingham’s defenders were bare hanging or something. They were clocked. Pretty jokes. Oh shiii. I was vexed when some wastegash on his jays kicked Walcott on the floor, but we kicked them out of our endz ’cos Diaby and Arshavin scored some sick goals as well. Bless, bruv. Is it? Is it? Yes blud. Is it?

THE phrase “Liverpool title challenge” is painful to hear. There hasn’t been a “Liverpool title challenge” this year, just as last year there wasn’t an Arsenal title challenge.
Just because a club is in the so-called big four it doesn’t automatically mean they’re in contention. Liverpool lost their first match of the campaign and have continued to disappoint ever since.
More brilliant things are sure to happen over the course of this season, such as Spurs winning lots of away games and Arsenal fans realising they’re not going to win anything yet again.
But few sights will bring greater joy than John Terry again screaming and hopping up and down like a spoilt child denied an ice cream after Chelsea concede yet another set-piece just like the ones against Aston Villa. He wears his heart on his sleeve and wraps his captain’s armband round his heart. What a leader! That strop takes me back to the glory days of William Gallas, but much more psychotic. Oh, and could Harry Redknapp please stop writing about the Inland Revenue and Pompey “nutters”. You’re a fantastic manager, but we don’t need another self-appointed voice of the people! Jeremy Clarkson is bad enough.

Comment on this article.
(You must supply your full name and email address for your comment to be published)

Name:

Email:

Comment: