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How water and bleach can flush away gangs
• ISLINGTON residents can rest easy in their beds in future. The police have come up with a novel device to defeat the homicidal gangs roaming our streets – hanging baskets.
The suggestion was made by a police officer at a residents’ meeting following about three years of low-intensity terrorism in Milner Square.
The meeting was prompted by a Lord of the Flies-style attack on a man and his girlfriend, caught in all its sickening and terrifying detail on video.
Couldn’t something, anything, be done about the group of known troublemakers who gather night after night on the streets outside our doors? Not really, our Safer Neighbourhoods team told us.
The Respect agenda, it appeared, is little more than a political gimmick dreamt up to offer a somewhat dangerous appearance of assurance that something could be done.
That’s when one of the officers suggested flower power as an alternative deterrent. The idea is that if you put a hanging basket over your front door and water it every day the thugs will be deterred from gathering on your doorstep. Gangs don’t like wet bums, we were told.
I can confirm it works. Some residents have even adapted the idea with a more devious alternative. They’ve knocked the basket on the head. They just chuck a bucket of water, dosed with a bleach “kicker”, over the floor.
Gangs really don’t like blanched buttocks and sitting in what smells like a freshly-cleaned urinal.
A word of warning, however, for anyone thinking of taking similar action. Your action opens you up to a civil compensation claim from any gang members suffering nappy rash.
More seriously, the police will almost certainly think of 1,000 reasons to take action against you if a gang member slips on the wet floor and injures himself with a concealed weapon.
MIKE READ
Milner Square, N1
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