|
|
 |
| |
Jol for the top job, as Marty turns boys2men
 I
DO hope Theo Walcott didn’t give all his school sports
day medals away to make way for Arsenal silverware this season.
But so what if the teenager would’ve had more chance of
a trophy with Southampton – at least his education is being
taken care of at Highbury. Yep, defensive legend Martin Keown
(Mr Handsome to you, me and Ruud) is back in the Arsenal fold.
 His
quest? Why, to teach Le Professor’s sensitive young things
how not to be bullied by those nasty bigger boys at Bolton and,
err, West Ham.
I hear his ‘No monkey business’ lessons are jam packed,
even though they clash with Pascal Cygan’s ‘Clowning
around at left back’ master class, Sol Campbell’s
‘Knit your own designer jeans’ session and Freddie
Ljungberg’s ‘Looking good in yer underpants’
slide show.
That’s right. The young Gunners can’t get enough of
Marty’s school of hard knocks and who can blame ‘em?
It’s not every day you learn how to pull scary faces and
pick up more bookings than the Ivy.
Oops, I mean learn how to lift countless trophies and defend
like a lion.
Sounds perfect.
Now if he can just get his dunderhead pupils to do the same...
 IF
you want Martin Jol to be the next England manager return the
slip to me at the New Journal sportsdesk, usual address, and
I will forward the giant petition to the FA.
‘Way-da-minute,’ I hear you cry, ‘Every week
you go on about Jol being rubbish. Your not-at-all desperate
repetition of the Grimsby Town joke is really, really funny
but how do you square that astute mockery with your new-found
belief that Jol should get the top job’.
 Let
me explain. There are five reasons to hire Jol:
– England managers are hapless duffers, we shouldn’t
break with tradition.
– Jol is obsessed with midfielders and is sure to be able
to overcome the selection headache of playing Gerrard, Lampard
and Beckham in the same team with a 2-7-1 formation.
– When things go wrong, the tabloids will not have to morph
Jol’s head into a turnip – it already looks like a
pumpkin – no computer magic required.
– As England boss, Jol will qualify for a waxwork in Madame
Tussauds. There he will look like the Tottenham defence did
in the last minute at Fulham on Tuesday night. Drum. Symbol
crash.
– I’m trying to deflect attention from the Bolton
fiasco. Give me a break here.
Get your forms in by the end of the next week, sit back and
expect Jol to be in post by the end of the summer.
Are they talking rubbish? Let us know at Your Shout, 40 Camden
Road, NW1 9DR or by email: sport@camdennewjournal.co.uk |
| |
|
|
|
